15 things I wish I knew before getting pregnant
I still remember staring at the positive test, heart pounding, excited but scared, overwhelmed but hopeful—and then waiting.
The waiting, it turned out, was part of the story I didn’t quite anticipate. There were moments of elation, yes—but also doubts, aches, and more questions than I ever thought I’d have.
If I could go back, I’d hug that version of me and say: It’s okay that you don’t know everything.
It’s okay that some days feel overwhelming. What matters most is that you have tools, knowledge, compassion—and reminders that you don’t have to walk this path alone.
This post is for you, expecting parent: 15 lessons from personal experience, grounded in research, with empathy, and small ways to care—for your body, heart, and sense of self.
Where it feels right, I’ve also included gentle suggestions: a curated postpartum hamper, a comforting empathy gift, or a guide to restore rest. I hope these help you feel more prepared, less alone, and deeply seen.
1. Getting pregnant can take time
While getting pregnant with my first two came relatively smoothly, I struggled with my third child. I had friends who conceived within a couple of weeks or months; I felt frustrated when my body didn’t follow the “stories” I’d heard.
But medical data shows that for healthy couples under 35, about 85% will conceive within 12 months of trying. (AIHW, 2022)
Knowing this earlier could have saved me tears of self-doubt, especially when I hit the dreaded -over-40 mark. If pregnancy is taking longer than expected, you’re still squarely in the range of “normal.” Talking to a fertility specialist or your GP doesn’t mean failing—it’s gathering more information, caring for your body.
2. Morning sickness isn’t just in the morning
I remember the nausea hitting mid-afternoon, when I least expected it and when I had back to back meetings to lead. Suddenly, the smell of cooking dinner made me recoil. Up to 70% of pregnant women experience nausea or vomiting (Better Health Victoria, 2023), often starting around week five and persisting into the second trimester.
Some endure hyperemesis gravidarum—a severe version requiring medical support. Sipping ginger tea, eating small dry snacks, resting when you can—all became lifelines for me. Give yourself permission to slow down and accept help.
3. Your mental health is important
There were nights when I lay awake, heart racing, worrying about everything: the baby, finances, my career path, and my identity. It’s not unusual—around one in five Australian women experience perinatal anxiety or depression. (PANDA, 2023)
A study of healthcare professionals notes that inner resources, having someone to share experiences with, and access to support networks all contribute to mental wellbeing during pregnancy (Ekelöf et al., 2025) BioMed Central.
Small practices can help: journalling, mindfulness, therapeutic conversations, leaning on trusted friends. And if ever it gets heavy, you are worthy of help—not shame.
4. Food safety is essential
My weakness is salami and soft cheese boards. Sashimi deluxe platters come third. The NHMRC guidelines strongly recommend avoiding foods like soft cheeses, deli meats, raw fish, and pre-packaged salads to reduce risk of infections like Listeria or Toxoplasma (NHMRC, 2020).
Instead of feeling deprived, think of this as a time to explore safe, nourishing foods. Try a pregnancy-safe snacks or educate your palate to enjoy food swaps. My safe bet was always ensuring the food is cooked before it enters my mouth.
5. First trimester fatigue is overwhelming
I thought I was just “lazy.” Then one morning, getting out of bed felt like lifting weights. My energy vanished midday. It’s not just you. Hormonal surges, increased blood volume, rapid foetal development create profound tiredness (RANZCOG, 2021).
You deserve rest. Let work slide. Nap when your body asks. Don't fight it and nurture your body from within such as herbal teas, warm cacao drinks (instead of coffee) and soothe your body with gentle massages.
6. Your body will change in surprising ways
My feet grew. My skin changed. The way I tasted food shifted. I felt both amazed and awkward. Hormonal shifts cause things like melasma, dysgeusia (changes in taste), gum changes, swelling—even feet size changes (Mayo Clinic, 2023).
These are signs your body is doing its sacred work. Buy new shoes if you need to. Use gentle skincare. Remind yourself daily: these changes are part of the beauty of creating life.
7. Birth plans are guides, not guarantees
My first birth plan was detailed: four pages long, strictly no medical interventions unless it was life and death, dim lights, playlist of soft music. Then complications made me rethink brought by an induction that I didn't want, crashed everything and the hospital wrote a 16 page report because everything that could have gone wrong, did.
In Australia, roughly 1 in 3 births involve unplanned interventions (AIHW, 2023).
Having preferences is healthy; clinging rigidly to the plan can lead to heartbreak if things diverge. One of my anchors was knowing that whatever happens, I have already done my best to decide what is meaningful—birth plan aside.
Consider keeping your plan, but also writing a version called “if plans change” so you feel prepared for whatever unfolds.
8. Partner support makes a real difference
When my partner started asking what he could do—help with groceries, making dinners, running my errands, attend every prenatal appointment, pack the hospital bag—that was when I felt truly supported.
Studies confirm that social support, especially from partners, buffers stress in pregnancy and improves outcomes (Nguyen et al., 2022) BioMed Central.
If your partner wants to help but doesn’t always know how, you might share small gestures that mean a lot: holding your hand, being present, listening.
9. Sadly, pregnancy loss is common
Loss is heartbreaking. I was caught off guard by how many people quietly walked this road, including myself. In Australia, about 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage before 12 weeks (AIHW, 2022).
Though statistics don’t lessen pain, they do remind us that you are not alone.
It’s OK to grieve alone. If it helps, when words fall short, gifts like a sympathy and empathy gift hamper for pregnancy or infant loss can carry meaning—a small comfort, a way people outside can hold you in their hearts. When I received a flowers and a keepsake gift for our baby we had lost, it meant the world to me because I felt seen and loved.
10. Every pregnancy is unique—comparison steals joy
I remember scrolling Instagram, seeing glowing bumps, perfect nurseries, and thinking, “why isn’t my body like that?” Then I realised those images are slices, not the whole thing.
Your pregnancy is yours: your history, your rhythms, your body, your emotions. What feels like struggle now may become one of your deepest stories later.
Comparison might offer ideas—but it rarely gives peace.
11. Exercise supports a healthier pregnancy
It feels like it's winter every day in Melbourne, however, one sunny morning, I forced myself on a gentle walk. Afterward, I felt more grounded than I had in weeks.
Evidence shows that moderate physical activity during pregnancy reduces risks like gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia, and improves mood, sleep and general wellbeing (RANZCOG, 2021) arXiv.
Even 20-minute walks, prenatal yoga, or swimming counts. If it aligns with your strength and health status, try to build movement into your days. It’s not about being “fit”—it’s about being kind to yourself.
12. The healthcare journey can feel overwhelming
Appointments piled up: blood tests, ultrasounds, vaccine discussions, glucose screenings. Sometimes I felt more in motion than grounded.
According to Australian guidelines, low-risk pregnancies typically involve 10-12 antenatal visits (Department of Health, 2020).
You deserve clarity and agency. A planner helped me enormously. Writing down what’s expected, what you can decline or modify, and what questions to ask gives you back some control. If a hospital visit feels clinical, bringing a support person, deep breaths, or a comfort item (a fidget, scent, or small gift you cherish) can soften the edges.
13. Financial planning can reduce unseen stress
I was surprised how fast costs seeped in: extra scans, maternity clothes, nursery items, even healthy food. Depending on whether you choose public or private care, out-of-pocket costs in Australia can reach $2,000-$5,000 or more (AIHW, 2022).
Budgeting early helps. Prioritise what matters (safe mattress, car seat, medical care) and consider where second-hand is okay. A “baby gift hamper” might look expensive—but some items can last or be shared across births.
14. Sleep will never feel the same
I used to love a whole night’s sleep which I realise now, I took for granted.
By the third trimester, I was waking constantly—insomnia, sore ribs, leg cramps, heartburn, needing the loo, a flailing bump. Up to 78% of pregnant women report poor sleep quality late in pregnancy (Sleep Health Foundation, 2022).
Creating bedtime rituals—warm drink, low lighting, a soft pregnancy pillow, calming music—helped me slip into rest even when sleep was fleeting.
Be gentle: rest isn’t wasted, especially now.
15. You are becoming, questioning who you are
I often caught myself thinking: “Who am I, now that part of me belongs to someone else?”
I felt torn between identities: professional, friend, partner, and soon, mother. Psychological research calls this maternal identity development, a significant transformation of priorities, values and self‐perception. (Stern, 1995; recent perinatal research)
Let yourself mourn the old version of you. Let it go with gratitude. Welcome the new parts—sometimes messy, sometimes tender—with compassion.
Mindfulness, writing letters to yourself, or even acknowledging this transformation in conversation can soften the upheaval.
A gentle reminder
Pregnancy changes everything—and most of all, it changes you.
It carves out new spaces in your body, heart, identity—and sometimes throws you into unpredictability. These 15 insights are not meant to overwhelm, but to accompany you with kindness and prepare you with realistic care.
You deserve gentleness. You deserve knowledge. You deserve support—both from inside and from those who love you.
May you receive moments of peace, joy, and rest, even in symptom-filled days.
If there’s one thing I learned, it’s that small acts of self-compassion matter as much as big plans. And that you are already doing the caring work simply by showing up.
Cited Research & References
- Ekelöf, K., Almquist Tangen, G., Nyström, C. D., Löf, M., & Thomas, K. (2025). Mental wellbeing during pregnancy and the transition to motherhood: an explorative study through the lens of healthcare professionals. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 25(803). BioMed Central
- Nguyen, L. D., Hoang, L., Ninh, L. T., Thi Ha, H. T., Vu, H. T., Vu, T. M., … Tran, B. X. (2022). Women’s holistic self-care behaviors during pregnancy and associations with psychological well-being. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 22(631). BioMed Central
- Sleep Health Foundation. (2022). Sleep and pregnancy statistics.
- RANZCOG. (2021). Guidelines for exercise in pregnancy.
- Stern, D. (1995). The Motherhood Constellation: A Unified View of Parent-Infant Psychotherapy. Basic Books.
- AIHW (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare). (2022). Australia’s mothers and babies 2022.
- PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia). (2023). Perinatal mental health statistics.