When loss changes relationships

Pregnancy and infant loss can deeply shake the foundations of relationships — not just with partners, but also with family, friends, and social networks.

While some relationships grow stronger through shared grief, others face tension, misunderstanding, or even breakdown. This contrast often reflects the different ways people process grief, not a lack of love or care.

Understanding how grief affects relationships can help parents navigate these changes with compassion — for themselves and for those around them.

How grief and loss affects partner relationships

Partners often grieve in very different ways.

Research consistently shows that after stillbirth, miscarriage, or neonatal death, one partner may want to talk openly about the baby and the loss, while the other might focus on tasks, return to work, or avoid emotional expression.

This difference is sometimes described as “intuitive grievers” versus “instrumental grievers.”

Neither style is wrong — but when grieving styles clash, couples may interpret it as emotional disconnection.

• In an Australian study, nearly 70% of couples reported increased conflict after stillbirth, primarily around emotional communication (Badenhorst & Hughes, 2019).
• Yet couples who engaged in shared rituals (such as naming their baby, planting a tree, or attending remembrance ceremonies together) reported stronger emotional closeness over time (Obst et al., 2021).
• Grief can also affect sexual and physical intimacy. Studies show decreased sexual desire and satisfaction are common for months following loss, particularly for the birthing parent ( Gold et al., 2016).

Open, gentle conversation about these changes — without pressure or blame — helps couples protect their bond during this vulnerable period.

The strain on friendships and family dynamics

Pregnancy and infant loss often create rifts with friends or relatives. Friends may avoid contact out of discomfort, say unintentionally hurtful things (“You can try again”), or minimise the loss.

Research highlights that bereaved parents often feel abandoned by their social networks just when they need support the most (Cacciatore, 2013).

One Australian qualitative study found parents felt they had to “mask their grief” to maintain relationships, which increased feelings of loneliness (Murphy & Cacciatore, 2017).

Family dynamics can also shift. Grandparents, siblings, or extended relatives may grieve too, but express it differently. Misaligned expectations (for example, pressure to “move on”) can intensify the bereaved parents’ isolation.

Mental Health and the Ripple Effect on Relationships

Perinatal loss significantly increases the risk of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress symptoms, which can further strain relationships.

• A longitudinal Australian cohort found that more than half of bereaved mothers experienced depression symptoms up to 12 months after loss (PSANZ Perinatal Mortality Clinical Audit Guideline, 2021).
• Unaddressed, this emotional distress can erode communication, increase conflict, and decrease perceived partner support, perpetuating a cycle of disconnection (Murphy et al., 2003).

This underscores the importance of early psychological support not just for individuals, but for couples and families as a whole.

Rebuilding connection after loss

Despite the challenges, research shows that relationship resilience is possible after pregnancy and infant loss. Protective factors include:

• Open communication — sharing emotions honestly while respecting different grieving styles (Stroebe & Schut, 2010).
• Joint rituals — memory boxes, naming ceremonies, lighting candles, or writing letters together (Obst et al., 2021).
• Professional support — couples counselling or grief therapy tailored to perinatal loss (Côté-Arsenault & Dombeck, 2001)
• Social support — connecting with peer groups who validate and understand the experience (Cacciatore, 2013).

Couples who actively nurture their relationship and acknowledge grief as a shared experience are more likely to experience post-traumatic growth and deeper emotional closeness over time (Côté-Arsenault & Dombeck, 2001).

A gentle reminder

If your relationships feel strained after loss, it doesn’t mean they are broken — it means they are hurting. Everyone is trying to survive grief in their own way.

With time, compassion, and support, many relationships can not only survive this heartbreak but become even more emotionally connected.

You are not alone, and it’s okay to ask for help — for yourself and your relationships.

If you need support, organisations such as SANDS Australia, Red Nose Grief and Loss, Bears of Hope, and PANDA offer resources and counselling services tailored to pregnancy and infant loss.

Want to help them, but not sure how?

Even when the emotions feel chaotic or unbearable, help them remember that they are not broken. This is grief doing its painful but sacred work. They are still a parent. Their baby is still forever loved. And their grief deserves to be held with tenderness.

During this sensitive time, a gesture of thoughtful, loving kindness, can help them know they are not alone. We have hand selected sympathy products in our Pregnancy loss gift hampers to show compassion to help with their healing journey.  

👜 Pregnancy Loss sympathy gift hampers →

Cited Research & References

1. Lang, A. et al. (2011). Grief reactions following miscarriage: Differences in partner responses. Death Studies. 
2. Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement. Death Studies.
3. Badenhorst, W., & Hughes, P. (2019). Psychological aspects of perinatal loss. Psychiatry. 
4. Obst, K. L. et al. (2021). Rituals and memorialisation after stillbirth. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth. 
5. Gold, K. J. et al. (2016). Sexual and relationship functioning after perinatal loss. Obstetrics & Gynecology. 
6. Cacciatore, J. (2013). Social support and the disenfranchised grief of perinatal loss. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying. 
7. Murphy, S. & Cacciatore, J. (2017). The experience of stillbirth for bereaved parents. Death Studies.
8. PSANZ Perinatal Mortality Clinical Audit Guideline, 2021. 
9. Murphy, S. A. et al. (2003). Parents’ coping after the sudden death of their child. Death Studies. 
10. Côté-Arsenault, D. & Dombeck, M. (2001). Maternal assignment of meaning after perinatal loss. Journal of Perinatal & Neonatal Nursing. 
11. Rosenblatt, P. (2000). Parent grief: Narratives of loss and relationship. Taylor & Francis.