Repairing relationships after loss

Understanding how pregnancy or infant can rupture relationships

The loss of a baby—through miscarriage, stillbirth, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), SIDS, or neonatal death—is a profoundly traumatic experience.

While grief is deeply personal, it also reverberates through the couple relationship. Research consistently shows that perinatal loss can place strain on partnerships, sometimes resulting in conflict, withdrawal, or relationship breakdown (Cacciatore & Bushfield, 2007; Armstrong, 2001).

Emotional reactions often differ between partners. One may feel consumed by sadness, while the other copes through distraction or problem-solving.

These differing coping styles can lead to misunderstandings or feelings of emotional distance (Lang et al., 2011). Recognising that grief manifests differently—and that no one way is “right”—is a crucial first step toward navigating loss together.

Building emotional safety

Open and empathetic communication is one of the strongest protective factors for couples facing grief (Bennett et al., 2005). Yet after baby loss, many parents find it hard to express their emotions or needs for fear of burdening their partner.

Evidence-based strategies for strengthening communication include:

• Active listening: Focus fully on what your partner is sharing, without interrupting or trying to “fix” their feelings. Reflect back what you hear to show understanding.
• Using “I” statements: Express feelings and needs gently without blaming (e.g., “I feel sad and lonely tonight” rather than “You don’t talk to me anymore”).
• Scheduling grief check-ins: Set aside quiet, uninterrupted time to talk about your feelings or memories of your baby.
• Allowing emotional differences: Validate that your partner may grieve differently and at a different pace.

Creating this emotional safety allows both partners to feel heard and supported, fostering closeness rather than disconnection.

Rebuilding intimacy and connection

Grief often affects physical and emotional intimacy. Research shows that sexual desire, physical affection, and emotional closeness may decline after perinatal loss, sometimes compounding feelings of isolation (Côté-Arsenault & Freije, 2004). Gentle reconnection takes time and patience.

Supportive approaches include:

• Prioritising non-sexual touch (holding hands, cuddling) to rebuild trust and comfort.
• Discussing fears or guilt about physical closeness openly and without pressure.
• Seeking shared soothing activities, such as walks, quiet rituals, or creating memory keepsakes for your baby.
• Allowing space for grief to ebb and flow—intimacy often returns gradually as emotional safety grows.

Navigating stress and conflict

Conflict is common during bereavement, yet research shows that how couples handle disagreements matters more than how often they occur (Gottman, 1999). After baby loss, heightened stress can trigger misunderstandings or arguments.

Healthy conflict management strategies include:

• Taking breaks when emotions run high
• Approaching disagreements gently and without blame
• Revisiting difficult topics when both partners are calmer
• Reminding each other you are on the same team, even when you feel distant

Seeking outside support together

Support from outside your partnership can relieve pressure and help both of you heal. Couples therapy, support groups, and grief counselling provide a safe environment to explore your emotions together.

Evidence shows that couple-based grief interventions can improve relationship satisfaction, communication, and emotional wellbeing after perinatal loss (Bennett et al., 2005; Lang et al., 2011). You might also:

• Attend counselling sessions with relationship and grief trained therapists together or individually.
• Join a baby loss support group to connect with others who understand.
• Ask trusted friends or family to provide practical help so you can focus on healing.

Honouring your baby as a team

Finding ways to remember and honour your baby together can strengthen your bond and affirm your shared love. This might include:

• Creating a memory box or photo album
• Planting a tree or flower in your baby’s honour
• Writing letters to your baby
• Observing meaningful anniversaries or rituals

Such shared acts can help transform grief into continuing bonds, which research shows are associated with healthier long-term adjustment (Cacciatore, 2013).

A gentle reminder

• Pregnancy or infant loss can strain or strengthen relationships; recognising grief differences is vital.
• Prioritising open communication, empathy, and emotional safety protects your bond.
• Rebuilding intimacy, navigating conflict gently, and seeking support can help you heal together.
• Honouring your baby as a team reinforces your shared love and connection.

Grief may reshape your relationship, but with compassion and intention, it can also deepen your connection.

Want to help them, but not sure how?

Supporting each other through heartbreak can become a profound expression of love—the kind that quietly says: we will carry our baby’s memory, and each other, through this.

During this sensitive time, a gesture of thoughtful, loving kindness, helps them know they are not alone. We have hand selected sympathy products in our Pregnancy loss gift hampers to show compassion to help with their healing journey.  

👜 Pregnancy Loss sympathy gift hampers →

Cited Research & References

1. Armstrong, D. (2001). Exploring fathers’ experiences of pregnancy after a prior perinatal loss. MCN: The American Journal of Maternal/Child Nursing, 26(3), 147–153.
2. Bennett, S. M., Litz, B. T., Maguen, S., & Ehrenreich, J. T. (2005). An exploratory study of the psychological impact and clinical care of perinatal loss. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 10(1), 69–86.
3. Cacciatore, J. (2013). Psychological effects of stillbirth. Seminars in Fetal and Neonatal Medicine, 18(2), 76–82.
4. Cacciatore, J., & Bushfield, S. (2007). Stillbirth: A women’s issue. Social Work, 52(3), 379–386.
5. Côté-Arsenault, D., & Freije, M. M. (2004). Support groups helping women through pregnancies after loss. Western Journal of Nursing Research, 26(6), 650–670.
6. Lang, A., Goulet, C., & Amsel, R. (2011). Explanatory model of parental grief following perinatal loss. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 29(2), 132–142.
7. Gottman, J. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown.