When pregnancy is hard

Has joy and jubilation turned to anxiety, denial or even detachment?

Firstly, let’s say this now: You are not broken. You are not ungrateful. And you are absolutely not alone.

Magical pregnancy myth

From movies to Instagram, pregnancy is painted as a blissful rite of passage. And while that can be true for some, for many — especially in the first trimester — it’s anything but magical.

Up to 70–80% of pregnant women experience nausea and fatigue (Banhidy et al., 2004), and nearly 25% experience significant mood swings or symptoms of anxiety and depression in early pregnancy (Heron et al., 2004).

Hormonal surges, sleep disruption, food aversions, and body image shifts can all contribute to a sense of overwhelm or emotional numbness.

Let's talk Neuroscience

Pregnancy initiates profound structural and functional neurochemical changes in the maternal brain — and they’re not random. They’re a biological adaptation to prepare you for caregiving. Your prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for planning and emotional regulation — becomes more sensitive. Meanwhile, your amygdala (which processes fear and threat) is activated to help you prepare to protect your baby.³

A landmark longitudinal MRI study by Hoekzema et al. (2016), published in Nature Neuroscience, showed that pregnancy causes long-lasting reductions in gray matter volume in regions associated with social cognition — especially in the prefrontal cortex, medial frontal cortex, and anterior cingulate cortex. These changes are believed to help expectant mothers attune to their baby’s needs and emotional cues.

Another study by Kim et al. (2010) published in Behavioral Neuroscience found increased amygdala activation in new mothers, particularly in response to infant cues such as crying or facial expressions. This heightened sensitivity to threat and emotional stimuli is believed to support maternal protectiveness — but it can also lead to feeling more reactive, overwhelmed, or on edge.

Together, these changes may explain:

• Feeling more emotionally sensitive or easily triggered
• Heightened stress responses, even to minor stimuli
• Difficulty focusing or “baby brain” (linked to neural reorganization³)

Importantly, these shifts are not signs of something wrong. They are adaptive neurological recalibrations — your brain literally preparing you for caregiving.

Emotional Detachment: A real and valid response

Some women feel deeply connected to their baby early on. Others… don’t.

Emotional detachment in pregnancy is more common than you’d think — especially in unplanned pregnancies or for those with a history of anxiety, depression, or trauma.⁴

It doesn’t mean you won’t bond with your baby. It doesn’t mean you’re not a “natural” mother. It simply means your emotional system is protecting itself, adjusting slowly to a massive identity change.

“Pregnancy can be an ambivalent, emotionally intense period — and it’s entirely normal for love, fear, numbness, and grief to co-exist.”
— Dr. Catherine Monk, Columbia University Professor of Medical Psychology (Yarcheski et al., 2009)

Grief, guilt, and losing the ‘old you’

Even wanted pregnancies come with invisible grief: the loss of freedom, spontaneity, or identity. You might mourn your old body, your independence, or your emotional stability.

This sense of loss is rarely talked about — yet incredibly common. In fact, studies show that ambivalence during pregnancy is not only normal, but actually a healthy emotional adjustment strategy (Theran et al., 2012).

If you’re not feeling the magic, here’s what might help:

1. Normalize it: Talk about it. With a friend, a therapist, or your care provider. You are allowed to name what’s real.
2. Screen for Perinatal Mental Health Conditions: If your low mood or anxiety persists for more than 2 weeks, or interferes with daily functioning, reach out. Up to 20% of women experience perinatal anxiety or depression.⁷ You are not alone, and help is available.
3. Find Micro-Moments of Support: Small acts — like journaling, deep breathing, or gentle movement — can reduce cortisol and re-regulate the nervous system.⁸
4. Let Go of the Idealised Narrative: Not every pregnancy feels magical. That’s not a failure — it’s a reality.

You're still discovering who you are

Whether you feel connected or disconnected, euphoric or uncertain — you are still becoming a mother. There is no one way to feel.

Pregnancy is not a performance. It’s a deeply personal, physical, and emotional evolution. And it’s okay if that evolution feels messy.

🧘 Need help navigating your pregnancy?

Pregnancy is a time of great change in all aspects of your health - mental, emotional and physical. 

Sometimes it's the little things that can make a difference to your experience. We have hand selected pregnancy specific products in our Pregnancy gift hampers to help you alleviate the physical discomfort and enjoy your experience, as best you can.

👜 Shop Pregnancy gift hampers →

Cited Research & References

1. Banhidy et al., Maternal nausea and vomiting and pregnancy outcomes, Journal of Reproductive Toxicology, 2004
2. Heron et al., Depression during pregnancy and after childbirth: a longitudinal study, BMJ, 2004
3. Hoekzema, E., et al. (2016). Pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in human brain structure. Nature Neuroscience, 20(2), 287–296. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.4458
4. Kim, P., et al. (2010). The plasticity of human maternal brain: Longitudinal changes in brain anatomy during the early postpartum period. Behavioral Neuroscience, 124(5), 695–700. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0020884
5. de Groot, R. H. M., et al. (2022). Memory complaints during pregnancy are associated with neural changes in the brain. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, 44(4), 404–417. https://doi.org/10.1080/13803395.2021.1969123
6. Yarcheski et al., Predictors of maternal-fetal attachment, Journal of Advanced Nursing, 2009
7. Monk et al., Maternal mental health and fetal development, JAMA Pediatrics, 2019
8. Theran et al., Ambivalence in pregnancy and psychological outcomes, Maternal and Child Health Journal, 2012
9. Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), Perinatal mental health in Australia, 2022
10. Van den Bergh et al., The influence of maternal stress during pregnancy on fetal and child development, Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2017